


Remus's Diary

by MarsupialsOfMars



Series: Sanders Sides Diaries [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-27
Updated: 2020-01-27
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:01:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22427509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarsupialsOfMars/pseuds/MarsupialsOfMars
Summary: Eight special excerpts from Remus’s personal very secret diary that have been curated for your viewing pleasure!
Series: Sanders Sides Diaries [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1614025
Comments: 3
Kudos: 30





	Remus's Diary

Age 6 (spelling corrected):

Dear Diarrhea,

I want to stab things with a knife. Logan says I should write feelings in a diarrhea until they go away, so here. I think bad things mostly. Roman doesn’t like me anymore, and I think it’s because of the bad things I think. So i think i want to stab him with a knife. He just isn’t any fun anymore. I wish he never made us break. I liked being King because I didn’t have to look at his dumb poopy face and I didn’t have so many thoughts that made people mad at me. But here, I can write all the stuff I want. I think Roman is a poop face and he can get eaten up by a bear. And everyone else can too, because I think it would be very funny. I want to stab the world with a knife. Bye Diarrhea!

~Dooky

Age 12:

Hey Diarrhea,

Deceit called me stupid today. I don’t think he meant to, but I don’t think it was a lie. I was just talking to him. I thought I was being fun but he called me stupid. I wish I knew how to talk right so nobody hates me. Sometimes I want to scream so loud that I can’t stop, and I scream all my insides out. Maybe if my lungs are hanging out of my mouth I won’t be able to screw everything up all the time with all the dumb shit I say. Anyway, instead of being sad I decided to start drawing. Thomas read an article about how someone killing animals as a kid is a way to tell that they’re going to turn into a serial killer, but if it’s just in our head it should be okay. They’re just drawings anyway. My red marker dried out, so making the blood is hard, but I learned that if I use green it makes them look infected. Green is better than red anyway. KIT Diarrhea!

~Dukey

Age 14:

Dammit Diarrhea,

I want to fuck everything. With and without a pulse. Logan says it’s puberty, I say it’s torture. I’m SO HORNY ALL THE TIME! Deceit threatened to get me fixed because I kept humping things, but I’d like to see him try. In other news, my mustache is finally coming in! It’s pretty sparse right now but soon it’ll be a force to be reckoned with. Everyone says they hate it and to shave it but I know they’re just jealous. I don’t blame them, I too would lash out if i saw something so glorious but lacked the backbone to commit to it myself. Being so desirable is not easy, but it’s a burden i have to bear.

Stay sexy, Diarrhea.

~Dukey

Age 19:

Dear FUCKING Diarrhea,

Thomas got cheated on. The bf’s dick wasn’t even that big but everyone is all broken up about it. Especially Patton and Roman. I keep telling them that we just need to stab the dude and the slut he hooked up with and make it look like an accident but that just makes them cry harder. I’m trying my best but really all I can think about right now is having to get off alone until Thomas finds someone else, and he’s really picky. Clearly not picky enough to find someone who won’t fucking cheat! ZING! Anyway, I lied about his dick not being that big and I think I might join Patton and Roman in the pity party. Stay strong Diarrhea.

~Dukey

Age 21:

Deeeeeeeeeeear Diarrhea,

Guess who’s plastered? Guess who’s ABSOLUTELY shitfaced? Guess who’s PROPER BLOTTO??? REMUS IS! We’re twenty plus one today! Thomas isn’t drunk, but I am! It’s like…. take one drink right? Thomas is five sides all in one Thomas, so when he drinks one drink, we all get the buzz from the one drink, right? NAHHHH all of it goes in me! I get the drunk! One drink for Thomas five for me! Guess how many drinks Thomas had? TWO! I feel so spinny! Anyway diary, I’m going to see how many more things I can break with the power of alcohol!

Okay, I’m back. I think I left I’m not sure but things got really blurry and now my door is locked and barred. I think Deceit put me in timeout. He’s no fun. Doesn't he know I’m DRUNK and ready to PARTY?! Give me a second I’m going to try something else.

Hey, I’m back again. I have a chain on my ankle and I think I’m sticky. Oh shit i found some glass in my foot!

Fuck it’s wearing off. I hope Thomas drinks more soon. Revolutionary idea: the normal world, but everyone is an alcoholic. I think I’m going to patent that. Stay thirsty my friend.

~Dukey

Age 25:

Diarrhea,

I think Virgil is scared of me. We were just talking like always, and he said something dumb that made me a little mad, about how I should calm down because maybe I was loud enough that Thomas might listen to me too much. I really don’t like when people say to calm down, and I didn’t like him implying that it would be some kind of issue for Thomas to think about how fast a person would have to run at a wire for it to split their whole body in half vertically from nose to ass. So I got a little bit angry, but I could still joke around so I asked Virgil if he wanted to test it out. I guess my voice was too angry, or my face looked too serious, because he flinched. He looked scared. I’ve seen him scared before, he’s a huge pussy, but he’s never looked at me like that. Fuck, now I’m wondering if maybe he has but I’ve just never seen it. I hope he knows that I would never hurt him, because I know he doesn’t like that. I hope he knows that he’s a better brother than Roman ever was, and I would slaughter everyone in the world and grind them into a bloody pulp under my heel for him. But I don’t like to be mushy so I pushed him and told him to lighten up. He fell and looked even more scared. I promise I didn’t mean to push him so hard. He got up and ran away to his room. I saw him again tonight and he didn’t mention it. I’m not scary, Diarrhea.

~Dukey

Age 28:

Virgil left. He didn’t even say goodbye. I heard him fighting with Deceit, but that’s been happening a lot. He talked about leaving before but Deceit said it was an “empty promise”. I haven’t left my room since he left. It’s been three days, and I’m starting to think he’s not coming back. If Deceit tries to come in here I’ll shed him myself. I don’t want to talk to anybody. I just want to decay right here, into rot and dirt and slime. Why does Roman have to have everything that’s mine? He was the one who wanted to split, he was the one who left me alone, he’s always the perfect hero, what gives him the right? What gives him the right to steal Virgil too? He already gets Logan and Patton and Thomas and everyone perfect like him, what gives him the right to take the one best friend I had? If I can’t have perfect, let me have Virgil. They talk about goodness and fairness but how is this fair? I want to stab the world with a knife. Wake me up when the world makes sense, Diarrhea.

~Remus

Age 30:

Dearest Diarrhea,

HOLY FUCK!!! I met Thomas! Of course I knew him already, but I MET him. I got to sing a song! And fucking DECK Roman! Deceit finally let me out under mysterious circumstances, which are my favorite kind of circumstances! He gave me some script to say but hey whatever, I’m used to saying things aloud that I don’t fully process. It went a little different than I was going for but guess what? Go ahead, guess! Fine I’ll tell you! I GET TO BE IN VIDEOS! And hang out with Thomas and the lights! And Virgil! VIRGIL! And guess what he told me! Go on! Guess! Wow you’re shit at guessing! He told me he’s not scared of me! We had a MOMENT! I’m absolutely giddy. Deceit is pissy at me for some dumb reason but I never know what’s going on with him. This is a new beginning, you just wait! Sexiest regards, Diarrhea!

~Dukey


End file.
